Professional Ethics

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Professional Ethics

Postby Thanqol » Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:25 pm

My name is Dirk Masters. Professional monster hunter.

Here are some numbers to consider.

The Australian military spends approximately $12,000 dollars to kill one zombie. In the event of a zombie apocalypse generally 30% of total zombie casualties are inflicted by the army.

Armed civilians are the cheap way to deal with zombies, but they tend to be ineffective. The official ratio is that armed survivors kill two zombies before dying themselves, making them little more than a roadbump on the path to zombie apocalypse. No more than 20% zombie casualties are inflicted by civilians.

Consider, then, a professional.

Professionals spend lifetimes fighting both supernatural and scientific abominations. From mummies to werewolves to demoniacally possessed robots, we are not only trained for encounters with the supernatural we are efficient when it comes time to deal with them. We usually operate on shoestring budgets and arm ourselves with only what we can scavenge; we avoid large squad movements; we prefer putting a single bullet in the brain of the necromancer behind the apocalypse rather than fighting the horde toe-to-toe. We are efficient.

The majority of zombie apocalypses never happen in the first place because they are stopped at inception by professionals, before the army even knows what's going on. Fifty percent of worldwide zombie casualties are attributable to professionals.

There are a lot of different flavours. Paramilitary research branches, mystical organizations of Slayers and Watchers, adventuring parties featuring wizards, rogues and clerics. The majority of professional monster slayers are solitary individuals, however, hunting the greatest foes alone.

I have picked up a copy of the 3.5 Monster Manual and started crossing off entries. Alphabetically. I'm up to Ravid. I have cast so many magic missiles at the darkness that it had to roll a fortitude save vs. Massive Damage. I have punched Dracula and have seen C-beams glitter in the dark at Tanhauser Gate. I have immolated a Gelatinous Cube, I have strangled a dryad, and I have given a werewolf a hide full of silver buckshot.

Zombies? They're CR 1/2. So low I won't even get XP from them. In fact, I'll wipe them all out free of charge.

I'll put on my robe and monster-slaying Hat of Charisma. I'll end this apocalypse before it's begun. Take close note, amateurs:

This is how a Professional does things.
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby BLACK_Commando » Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:51 pm

i have about 7 under my belt.

how about you?
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby Thanqol » Mon Jul 26, 2010 10:54 pm

Unimportant!
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby Jables » Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:37 am

Give that man a New!
On second thought, maybe we should be rewarding him...
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby Thanqol » Tue Jul 27, 2010 2:41 pm

Day Two:

I hardly see what the fuss is about. I spent the day swanning around wearing a cape and full ninja-hunter attire and found a bare few zombies. That said, one of them was wearing a cape that challenged mine in grace and finery. I gunned the insolent wretch down for his presumption. Only the living are fashionable.

Other than that, I believe all reports of zombie apocalypse are greatly overstated, as are rumours of my death. Anyone who happens to fall to such a rabble surely deserves the fate they get.

Thus far, I haven't found the cowardly necromancer but I imagine that in attending tomorrow's night mission I shall find it. Perhaps doing this for free was too costly; perhaps I should have logged this "apocalypse" against my vacation days.

No rest for the wicked, perhaps, but the virtuous are working smarter, not harder. While everyone else is running around like headless Liamas, I am taking my time and doing it right.

I am, after all, a Professional.
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby BLACK_Commando » Tue Jul 27, 2010 9:56 pm

in short and translated-
"i found that hiding was great. i wasnt nommed, and the only zombie, well dressed fellow in a cape, was the only one who discovered me. luckily, i had the jump on him and gunned him down."






yes, im joking. good going out there mate, keep up the good work at staying living. and find that damn necromancer (hint: check out moriatrium and that vodoo lady, theres a good starting point. GL).
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby Thanqol » Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:02 am

(Accurate translation! You may have noticed Dirk Masters is a little arrogant)

Reports of this apocalypse are greatly exaggerated.

Walked down University Avenue, through Union Court, up the ramp into MCC and didn't see a single zombie. Possibly because they were all intimidated by the cape. (Perhaps the fact that I did this at the crack of dawn might have had something to do with this but, as a Professional knows, a fight avoided is a fight won and taking advantage of the sloth of your foes is basic tactics.)
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby chidori7 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:11 am

being profession sounds fun might try it today :) so i just run around and kill lots of zombie and be generally awesome ?
may a 1000 screaming birds take you down
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby Thanqol » Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:20 am

chidori7 wrote:being profession sounds fun might try it today :) so i just run around and kill lots of zombie and be generally awesome ?


Er, well er yes. But trying to do it does not make you a Professional; succeeding at it (and making a career out of it) makes you a Professional.
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Re: Professional Ethics

Postby chidori7 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:22 am

i think i can pull that off easily :D
may a 1000 screaming birds take you down
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